Trains, chants and greasy spoons: joys of staying an away enthusiast will shortly be back again | Premier League

Football’s coming home – and absent. After a year and a 50 % of Tv set online games with piped lover sound and the only swearing from the abruptly audible players, the frisson of real absent travel is right here. Quickly will come the excitement of seeing the floodlights of a odd city as you get there on the train and the despairing chants when your facet go 6- down with 20 minutes still left of: “You’re absolutely nothing specific, we drop every 7 days!”

Outdated rituals will have to be remembered. The costume code for an away day is always tough. Colours less than a concealing jacket, possibly? A extended coat marks you out as a soft southerner, a furry parka or cap as an Essex Man. A little something blander to blend in is very best. Large pockets are practical to conceal anything at all intellectual such as publications. Components are critical, too. My pal Big Joe when took a copy of Granta and an umbrella to Sunderland, building me marvel if we’d at any time get out alive.

Train journeys often feel to include unusually optimistic followers consuming at unfathomable hours. Then will come the expectant hurry at the ticket barrier. On arrival there is the ceaseless search for alien chip stores and greasy spoons and then an attempt to uncover exactly where they offer the programmes and a pub that could serve absent fans. Getting past the stewards can current various difficulties. One particular pal experienced his 4 mini‑yogurts confiscated by a steward at Manchester Metropolis. Nevertheless he also preferred to shave on the coach up north and managed to get into yet another northern enclave carrying a packet of disposable razors. Yet another pal experienced his copy of the Saturday Guardian confiscated at Stoke because it was deemed a fire danger.

Absent tickets are challenging to get hold of adhering to West Ham and I have generally experienced to pass myself off as a property lover, possessing obtained a seat via welcoming rival enthusiasts. This can necessitate strange steps, these as pretending to be a senior citizen at Chelsea and owning to be wonderful about Frank Lampard, or north of Watford never talking in scenario they detect your accent. It is also fairly tough when you virtually leap out of your seat following a wonderful curler from Michail Antonio and then have to fake you are basically applauding the household goalkeeper’s high-quality parry.

Mauro Zárate celebrates in front of West Ham’s fans after scoring at Arsenal in August 2015.
Mauro Zárate celebrates in front of West Ham’s lovers immediately after scoring at Arsenal in August 2015. Photograph: Mike Hewitt/Getty Illustrations or photos

At the very least in the specified away portion you can get pleasure from chanting without censorship. Humiliating defeats even now generate times of surreal humour. A 4- West Ham reduction at Charlton was unforgettable for a rousing and prolonged chorus from the absent stop of: “Oh Christian Dailly, you are the really like of my existence!” – the next line is possibly ideal not repeated.

The fans’ inner jukeboxes also just take some fathoming. It was at Crystal Palace with its wooden seats and very low roof exactly where I to start with discovered the West Ham fans’ chant of “We’ve received Payet” was staying sung to the not likely tune of Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus. When an anti-board chorus of “It’s all lies, lies, lies!” went up at Watford two yrs in the past, it was intriguing to believe that anyone had kept Slade’s Cum On Feel The Noize in their psychological library just in situation it may possibly be helpful for a dig at David Sullivan.

Fans at Horwich Parkway railway station head to a Bolton game.
Fans at Horwich Parkway railway station head to a Bolton video game. Photograph: Joseph Clemson 1/Alamy

Particular grounds can evoke a Proustian rush of frying burger smells and other memories. Viewing the lyrics of Elton John’s Your Track on the stand at Watford will take me correct back to black vinyl and getting 13. Previous Trafford evokes Hammers’ enthusiasts singing “My identify is Ludek Miklosko, I come from in close proximity to Moscow!” at a tram station right after a draw in the FA Cup. Sitting up in the gods at Newcastle nonetheless reminds me of an all-you-can take in Chinese lunch and sitting down with a posh anthropologist pal who when compared each residence and away supporters to pike-wielding yeomen about to combat in the Hundred Years war.

Absent times can give good highs and huge lows. There was absolutely nothing superior than standing exterior the Emirates singing: “Last get at Highbury, very first get at Emirates!” in the Great Escape time of 2007. Conversely a 3-2 defeat at Wigan just after becoming 2- up ensured West Ham have been relegated in 2011. To spherical it off a plane flew above the stadium with the banner: “Avram Grant: Millwall Legend.” Grant was sacked on the way property and it was the footballing equivalent of Joy Division’s Ambiance, or most likely Really like Will Tear Us Aside.

But it is, as they say, a day out. Before long absent supporters will be again, Covid passes allowing. We’ll be listening to the angriest gentlemen in the earth on car or truck radio cellular phone-ins, returning on delayed trains that have invariably operate out of beer and sandwiches, and staggering off the educate seeking a compensatory pint in the Doric Arch at Euston only to locate it is shut. Can your workforce do it on a cold evening in Brentford or Burnley? We’re about to discover out.

Pete May perhaps is a West Ham season-ticket holder, author of Goodbye to Boleyn and weblogs at